1 semester down, 1 to go

My second to last semester ended on Wednesday. I can't believe it. I'm happy it's ending but I still can't figure out my life yet. It's so up in the air. I've never been so unsure of my life.

The worst part was finding out last minute that I had to sign up for another course because my spring internship would not count as an upper level Comm. elective, which I was told it did. Without getting into details let me just say that the MMC Administration is quite possibily the worst administration I have ever dealt with. They have done nothing but make my experience at MMC a terrible one. Aside from the actual classes themselves, I do not like the school. Sometimes I really wish I was still in Maryland but I know I would be so unhappy there because I'd be swimming in homework and papers that were beyond me. What I miss the most is the social life. I miss my friends, the parties, the atmosphere. I gave that up for my education which, I mean, is a good thing, but it's hard when I realize how much more fun I would've been having there.

So moving on, yes..I have one more semester at Marymount. I'll be interning at Atlantic Records and still doing work/study at The Alvin Ailey School and Broadway Dance Center. I really love being at Ailey. I have so much fun there and it makes me want to immerse myself in the dance world. It's hard balancing both school and dance but I try to make the most of it. I really want a chance to perform and be in the dance world but I don't know how to go about doing so. What would I do right after I graduate? I know I would audition but in the meantime, what else? What if Atlantic Records were to offer me a job? It would make sense to take it but then I'd be at a 9-5pm everyday with barely anytime to dance. OR should I take the summer to dance again and see where it takes me? Will it take me anywhere or will it just stall my decision? I'm grateful that I'm verstile and have various interests but it actually is a burden when I'm trying to figure what I should do with my life.

I'm attempting to enjoy the good moments in life as I sit here at home recovering from getting my wisdom teeth removed. I got the first 2 out in August and then this past Thursday, I got my last 2 out. Let me just say that this has been one of THE worst experiences in my life. I hate being in pain and not being able to sleep at night in addition to the sight of my one-sided chipmunk cheek. But on a lighter note I am home-home and that's good. I get to spend time with my family and relax without thinking about schoolwork.

I plan to read as much as I can over break. Recently I just started "Letters to my Daughter" by Maya Angelou. It was a gift from my mother and I'm enjoying it. I really love the chapter when she has a revelation that she could "be somebody one day." It was such a powerful moment because she basically had a fulfledged foreshadow. What was also a good point is that she commented on how she needed to stop smoking and drinking because she was going to be someone someday. It reminds me of the danceworld and how people say you have to literally eat, sleep, and breathe dance in order to make it. I wish I could do that but I feel I can't because it seems like it would be so unclear. I don't want to struggle, I want to make it. But, I guess you have to struggle and work hard to acheive the desired goal.

sigh...I have a lot to think about.