Accepted, Rejected, or Waitlisted

I keep telling myself to update, but then I stop myself. Not because I don't want to blog but because I don't think I have time to take a moment for myself. Well...now I do. I'm going to try and recap but who knows how far that will go.

One thing that has really stuck with me for the past couple of weeks is something that a friend said to me. Every week when I'm catching up on life with my friend she will ask me, "so what's new, how was your week." And, everytime without thinking twice I will say, "nothing exciting." Recently, she asked me why I always say that whether it's true or not. My response was something along the lines of the fact that nothing really exciting is going on or that my definition of exciting is when something "amazing" happens to me. I'm literally still baffled by the question. This happened probably a month ago and I can't stop thinking about it. Why do I sell myself short? It's so easy for me to say that nothing is going on when really a whole lot has been happening. This one little comment has sent me towards a huge self-evaluation. I catch myself now when I get ready to say the same line if someone asks me how my life is. I have come to the realization that exciting things have happened to me but they just come in different forms. Instead of living like the glass is half full, I'm going to attempt to do the opposite and actually be happy for the little moments. If I continue to override these moments carelessly, I am basically overriding my life.

Aside from that haunting experience, things have been going fairly well (see I'm already trying to be positive). In terms of dance, I've solidified my spring schedule and have been going on auditions non-stop every Sunday for the entire month of February. I did it for the experience and so far all of them have been worth mentioning, no matter how good or bad they went. I'm finding out a lot about myself and, depending on the way I view it, these auditions have been life lessons. My first audition for Lines Contemporary Ballet's summer intensive was really exciting. From here I learned how much I would have loved their program. The audition made me enjoy ballet and just created such a good environment. I wasn't nervous or anxious but rather calm and able to enjoy the "class." The result was being waitlisted which I have come to take positively considering the, in my opinion, prestige-ness(I've created a new word) of the program.
Another exciting experience was taking a masterclass with Desmond Richardson of Complexions Ballet. This was an eye-opener as well because I came to realize again my love for this "new age" of ballet. I'm all for tradition but these contemporary barre techniques are teaching me so much. They are still rooted in tradition exercise but they take ballet to the next level for me. The choreography was great too. Personally, though, I felt I could have done better. I don't want to blame it on lack of food or being tired but near the end I wasn't as focused as I could have been. BUT, I will say that I was probably the most stretched out I had been in awhile from that barre warmup.
With all good moments, there always comes a bad audition right? Well...thats what happened when I went to LydiaJohnson. This was my first company audition and I really have no idea what happened but boy was I given a hard reality check after it. Everything started out fine and almost too "perfect" before I actually went to the audition. I was able to stretch and warm myself up before the audition. It felt like they stars aligned until I got into the room. Once we started learning the choreography, which wasn't difficult, I just wasn't connecting. I was trying to learn it and thought I had it, but I didn't. After going over it once or twice we started doing it in groups. Well I enventually went and it was probably my worst experience ever. I couldn't turn, the floor felt so slippery; I couldn't fully do the choreography as taught either. I was really surprised at myself but tried my hardest not to freak out. I still to this day cannot understand what happened to me. After I was cut I was dying to ask for a second chance, which you never do, but I was convinced that I deserved another try. I think because of that I am waiting for another audition to go back and prove myself to them. I know that they way I danced that day was no where near my ability and it eats me inside knowing that I could be perceived in such a way.
The final and most recent audition was for HubbardStreetDanceChicago's summer program. I was really excited for this one. They just seemed like a great opportunity, which they were. This one was very similar to Lines in which I immediately felt at home. The teacher was so nice and welcoming and really worked us. I was so comfortable. We did a ballet barre which I thought was traiditional but also non-traditional like the other auditions. We did a full ballet class and from my point of view and my friends, I was doing pretty well. I will say however that "breezay's" (I KNOW that's the wrong spelling) got the best of me which was a major downfall. But I still felt pretty confident throughout the entire audition so when I was cut, it was a quite surprising. The ones that catch you off guard are the hardest to let go of. I was really saddened that I didn't make it past because I thought I had a good shot. It was another moment in which I wished I could've know the reasoning behind the decision. I did however really enjoy myself so I should be grateful for that. I haven't been formally rejected yet so I still have some hope that I will at least be waitlisted which will restore some confidence in me. I know they were only accepting 70 in the entire program but it would've been nice to stick around and experience that unfamiliar glory of making a cut.

What the future holds for me in dance I really have no idea but I'm going to dance. I don't know when or how but I will. I have some auditions lined up and a huge one in May that I'm really looking forward to. For now, I better enter a ballet boot camp in order to fully prepare myself.

School, internship, and work are going well yet I'm still on the search for another job. I really want to try the "commercial" world so I am attempting to get my resume/picture ready to send out . My goal is to be financially stable by graduation and to hopefully have a job lined up that I will want to persue.

Until next time.