Monday, September 29, 2008

9/22-9/29

This past week was a rough one. I've been really stressed out and sometimes I feel like I have so much going on..but really I don't. I just don't understand why I don't buckle down and focus. I hate feeling incompetent. I know my schedule may seem like a lot but it is really managable.

School- It's going okay. I am having my first wave of tests and papers so it's like the first sign of figuring out a teacher's grading process. I had a quiz in my Natural Disasters class and I don't think I did to well. My biggest challenge has always been trying to decipher what the question is asking. It's not about the answer or how much information I know if I can't figure out what is being asked. It's really hard to constantly feel one step behind everyone else.

Rehearsal- It's funny how your world can turn upside down in less than 24hrs. On Saturday I felt like I was having the greatest rehearsal. We were learning new choreography and I felt like I was getting it. Then on Sunday my day was terrible. I was constantly corrected and felt like the worst one in the room ( I still feel that way). I just don't get whyI always come up short. Why couldn't I take the choreography given and go to the next level. I don't want to be the one that ruins the piece. I don't want people to come and see my still trying to hold my head above water. I was and am still so angry at how shortcoming I was. I keep saying that I'm going to immerse myself in dance and how much I love it but it's like my feet are not connected to my heart or my mind and I just mess up. The show is next Friday and I really really pray I get my self together. I don't want to be the person that a choreographer dreads working with.

Dance- Dance at Ailey and BDC is going well. I truly love being at Ailey. I feel like I'm working hard. BDC was fun too. I finally got to take Tracie's class again and we did a dance that I absolutely love. It was to the song Slow Me Down by Emmy Rosum. So beautiful. I really tried to "dance" it and I felt I actually needed to control myself. The floor was really slippery so I felt a bit off balance but ultimately I had a great time. Assisting class is going well too. I'm sad to no longer be assisting the Saturday ballet class(It was with the Royal Academy of Dance technique) but I am doing a jazz class now with my friend Tina. Sunday I actually assisted 4 classes in a row. It was intense but I loved it. I wonder however if that was a factor in my demise at rehearsal. I didn't feel tired but maybe I was? No time for excuses though so forget that. I like assisting. I really observe the teacher and get ideas for if I ever had to step in. I used to say that I never wanted to teach but I think I actually may be able to do it at some point.

Work- I really wouldn't know much about this since I've been working 1 or 2 shows a week. The shows have been really slow so they don't need many people. I was talking to a friend who is a store model for Abercrombie. She gets paid more than me and it sounds like a lot of fun. I would really like to do that but I'm not sure if I'd "make the cut." I think I need to look into that cause I want to make money.

I still want to do film stuff and go on more auditions but I haven't gotten seen any quite yet or I've already missed them. Hopefully I can stop talking and actually take action soon.

Hopefully this week goes a bit better. Sometimes I feel like I overly stress myself out when I really need to just relax.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Part 2

Okay forget the Day by Day thing. That's not going to work. I also need to add on to my last entry because I kid you not, I legit fell asleep while trying to do it.

Rehearsal- Thanks to Miss Alenka, a teacher from EMIA, I have a performance opportunity this fall. She has a faculty concert at LIU and I in addition to about 10 other dancers will be performing with her. She is doing the piece she staged this summer. I really like it and I've come to realize how much I truly enjoy the rehearsal process. I like that I can learn choreography and have time to perfect it. It's not like open classes where you learn combination, do it, and that's it. It's more than that. You have time, for the most part, to test new choreography, make mistakes, and really develop new movement. I love it. I hope I can do something else after this. The performance is Oct.10th.

I still feel like I'm getting a hundred and one reading assignments every day. I feel like I don't have time to read! It's frustrating. It takes me a bit to get my mind in the right focus..I can't just open a book and read it.

booo tough times!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Day 8-13, lol

Okay..
-Fashion show was beyond amazing. I can't thank my sister enough for inviting me. It was such a good show. I am so inspired by this world of fashion. It reminds me that I have so many interests in life. I feel like I could be happy in so many fields of work but I want to do more than just one thing. The show made me think about all the different factors that helped transform Ralph Lauren's ideas onto the runway. I thought about the pre-show and post-show process. It is fascinating to me how many people are involved and how important each of their jobs are. I'm still deciding on a spring semester internship, I'm thinking something in television or at a magazine and along the ideas of publicity. Hope I get it*

-School is going. This week was less stressful in terms of work load. If I remember correctly, every other week is going to be stressful. This was my off week so maybe next week is going to be ridiculous. I'll try my best not to fall behind too much. There is so much reading involved it's insane. My pet peeve of this semester is that lack of consideration teacher's have when it comes to our courseload. They seem to forget that we have 4+ other teacher's going about this the same way. It's very frustrating. I'm liking 2 of the 4 a lot. The 3rd class, Deconstructing the American Family is good..just hard to get through. The final one, Natural Distasters and the Environment feels like a disaster. I'm not sure I know what's going on and we are definitely going to have oral presentations..yuck!

-Ailey is going really well. I'm gainging a lot of body awareness thanks to Yoga. The Horton class is pretty good as well. I'm taknig tap once a week. Oh jeez, the tap class is a lot of fun but really intense. She has no mercy for beginners...she just wants you to go with it, which is good.

-I just started working the Alvin Ailey boutique in exchange for free classes. I do that at Broaway Dance Center but the pit that I will get 5 dollars for classes .

Friday, September 12, 2008

Day 5, 6 and 7, I saw this coming

Okay, change of plans. This will not be an everyday thing. I've listed my schedule..it's almost impossible to fit this in after a long day or dance or school. So, I will try and update frequently but not every single day.

The last couple days have been good. On Wednesday I had a full day of academics and work. My classes are settling in and I'm starting to see how the pace will be for each of them. My "Deconstructing the American Family" class has sooo much reading. And, it's really complex. This is usually where I start to beat myself up for always feeling one step behind everyone else. I've always had some sort of struggle in school. In elementary school, I don't know what I was doing but I rarely applied myself. I was not a good student in most subjects. It got better in high schoool. I felt like it was a fresh start and new opportunity to become a good student. I definitely improved but still ran into instances when I felt less smart than most. Finally, in college I was really feeling this battle. I love getting good grades. Because it was infrequent growing up, when I do actually get good grades I'm so satisfied with myself. I'm always striving but there are times where I really feel like I'm just not smart enough to keep up. I have to keep reminding myself that that's all the reason to try harder and really prove differently. It just seems that the conclusions people get from readings are on the total opposite interpretation that I've gotten from the same reading; and they are always right. That is the hardest, feeling like you are the only one not understanding. It's like my brain is thinking and processing things incorrectly.
I still struggle with this but when I think about it, I calm myself down and just try harder. I know I can do it and I know what it feels like to accomplish the challenge. So, I plan to do it.

My favorite class of that day seems like it is my Martin Scorcese class. It's such a comfortable environment. We watch MS films and analyze them; it's really interesting because it's allowing me to explore new types of film genres that I'm pretty sure I would've never come across. I'm not an action film fan but I've always been into the mobster/mafia legacy. I always thought it was interesting to hear the whole saga so it was really exciting when I found out that Martin Scorcese focused on this a lot in his films. My first homework for the class is coming up soon so I will see how much I got out of the films.

My Natural Disasters class started out interesting and then it's gone downhill. It's the teaching methods that I think are making this class difficult. I feel like my notes are disorganized because the teacher make jump from subject to subject at any given moment. I also can't figure out what information is considered important and what is just "for our health." Hopefully it will get better but it seems the only way I will learn in an organized way is to jot down facts from the readings I do. I will have to make a mental note to do that.

Within all these classes I have so many readings to do. There goes my weekend. Oh, I did get to hear the sound clip of my voice that the teacher used in my digital sound design class. She was demonstrating the different ways to edit the clip. It was really cool and I find myself getting really excited to work on future projects. This is another class that sets a good environment.

Today I only took Yoga and Horton because I had a dental check up. Yea, 2 wisdom teeth were extracted from my mouth about 2 weeks ago(actually it was exactly two weeks ago). What an experience, nuff said. Too bad I have to get the other two out as well but I don't have time because I'm in school. I may have to do it sooner than Christmas break, which was my intended date for round 2. Oh well.

Work has been fine. They've been cutting hours because the show hasn't been selling out much. It's rough because our merchandise is barely selling. It's sad considering we are used to $10,000 shows and now we are barely making $3,000. Oh jeez, hehe.

Tomorrow morning I will be attending the Ralph Lauren Fashion Show thanks to my sister. I'm OVERLY excited because I love the fashion world! Hey, maybe I'll get discovered..."wishful thinking." I plan to document this show as much as I can.
peace and love

Monday, September 8, 2008

Day 4, Smooth Sailing

I think it's safe to say that Monday's are a calm day for me. I have 3 academic classes...that's it. I plan on taking a skating lesson at night but we'll see how that goes.

Weekend- My weekend was fun. Hung out with a few friends, worked, and saw a performance by Handcart Dance Company. I decided I really want to try and strengthen my friendships and not try to be such a busy bee all the time. I think it's possible to do both and I don't want to replay last fall. Instead of having a steady balance of work and play, last fall I was constantly running around and separating myself from everyone because I had no free time. When I relive those moments, I realize how unfufilling they were.

So far everything has been going smoothly. I had a brief panic because I didn't think I would be able to complete my readings for my class but I found time. I want to be able to give 100% for every activity I'm engaging in. As of now I want to follow along in school and be on track with my assignments before the semester gets really hectic. It's a constant moral struggle for me to turn off my TV and read for my classes. I chose the classes so I should be willing to focus on them whole-heartedly. Once I get into my assignments, they are pretty interesting.

My courses this semester include-
Deconstructing the America Family
Digital Sound Design
Natural Disasters in the Environment
Special Topics- Martin Scorsese

All are equally interesting so I should have a good semester. Digital Sound Design is already taking a fast lead. I like hands on approaches to learning. My first assignment was to simply record speech for about 1 minute. After 30minutes of trying to figure out how to start up the program, a classmate and I began recording in the studio. It was a basic task but I know it's the foundation for something really cool. I'm excited to see what we will have to do next. I used to hate the sound of my voice but I'm already becoming comfortable with it. I know if I set my mind to it I can get a lot out of this class.

Tomorrow is a dance day and school night for me. I am taking yoga, working the Ailey Boutique, taking jazz, and then heading to school for Digital Sound Design. I want to start bringing my camera around with me and taking more pictures. This will help me to document my life more.

This entry kind of jumped around alot but I still haven't decided the tone of this blog. As of now I've been really formal but I'm hoping to spice it up a bit sooner rather than later.

Until tomorrow

Friday, September 5, 2008

Day 3, and Day 4, I'm in an Ailey state of mind

I really want to commit to this blog but as stated before, it is already difficult finding time to write.

Today was great because I was able to forget academics for a bit and focus on dance. One of the many things I do is work/study at The Alvin Ailey School. Last fall I had the pleasure of auditioning and being accepted into the Independent Study program at The Alvin Ailey School. I was so happy because dancing at Ailey, to many, is a dream lifestyle. I balanced school, a job, work/study at Broadway Dance Center, and a full program at The Alvin Ailey School. It was NOT easy. I had to sacrifice a lot in order to remain focused on all 4 elements that were consuming my life. I did not return to the program in the spring because I got an internship with Vh1 through my college. Yes, school does come first. I missed it terribly and so I decided to do work/study at Ailey this fall. I work in the Ailey Boutique twice a week in exchange for free classes.

It felt so great to be back and greeting by my fellow dance friends. I felt so comfortable and accepted there. It's really a great environment. I started with Yoga class. Over the summer I took several yoga classes while I was away in CT dancing at Earl Mosley's Insititute of the Arts summer intensive (Mr. Mosley was my Horton teacher at Ailey last fall and was gracious enough to let me come to his summer program on full scholarship). I didn't know there were different types of yoga. I initially thought it was just a breathing "sport." But, if taking the right class it can be amazing. It really stretches my muscles and makes me more of aware of my body placement. So, having spent the summer taking yoga I thought I'd continue it in the fall. The teacher at Ailey is very nice and incredibly informative. I'm 100% positive I'm going to learn a lot from her.

After Yoga was Horton II. I took a semester of Horton I last fall and a little in the spring so I felt I'd continue to level II. This class was about 15-20 people which is considered small and I enjoyed that. I liked that it was a comfortable amount so that you don't get lost in a sea of people or standout like a sore thumb. When Horton ended I decided to treck to Broadway Dance Center and take a ballet class. This worked out well. I like the class a lot and I accept that it's def. a challenge but I'm willing to look bad in order to learn. His class is really helpful for getting used to different teaching styles and untraditonal methods. Jazz II with Mr. Christopher Huggins was scheduled and I KNEW I wanted to take him. He was also at EMIA and known for his love of technique aka high legs and multiple turns! Well we actually had a substitute and it was the funniest class ever. It was very old school jazz but to music that we dance to today. It was streamed with Fosse. At first I was like oh man I'm going to look dumb but you get really into it because no one is judging; everyone is having fun just like you.

After that class I raced to work. Yep, another event on my plate is working merchandise for Mary Poppins on Broadway. This job is really convienent in terms of hours. It's basically 5 hr shifts, usually at night except for 2 additional matinee's on the evening. I really enjoy that it is a different type of job and not your typical mall store job. The only issue sometimes is getting through the night after a full day of dance or school. Or, when you want to hang out with friends but can't because you work. I shouldn't REALLY complain though because in the end, it's really not that hard of a job.

I'm also going to include Day 4, Friday in this entry because it's pretty similar.
I decided that I really need to learn Graham in order to diversify myself and try to stay on track with the classes I would be taking if I was still in the Independent Study Program. It's hard, but I like the precision of the technique. I also need to take Dunham so I can really get discipline. I just don't know when I can fit it in. After Graham I went to Broadway Dance Center to take Ballet with Miss Goheen. Miss Goheen was a summer dance intensive in CT that I was at this past summer. She also teaches at Ailey so I recognized her when I got there. She's definitely one of a kind. But, she does teach a great ballet class. I plan on taking that religiously..or as much as I can. She's very, very funny and also has wealth of knowledge for ballet and extraneaous facts. After ballet, I took jazz with Tracie Stanfield. I really love her class and I've been taking her routinely for about a year now. She has been helping me a lot with my execution of dance and being able to let go. It's hard for me to just "go" without feeling awkward or that I'm going to mess up but, I've been working on it and I definitely think I've improved. Unforunately I can only take her once a week now because of my new schedule. I want to work with her but I have school at the times that she teaches and I can't change that.
Horton II was my next class and that was taught by Mr. Freddie Moore. He, too, was from EMIA and I had the pleasure of having a class with him. He is really great about applying what you know and truly dancing the movements given. Like Mr. Mosley, he focuses on challenging us with movements and getting us used to just going and if we mess up "just make it work." I also can only take the class once a week and that's going to be tough because he said that he will start a combo on Monday and plan on buliding it throughout the week so that on Friday it has excelled past the normal 16-counts. That worries me because I'm going to get the combinations in it's entirety instead of being able to work on it. It will be a challenge but I think it will force me to really be attentive and focus on what he's doing and how he his executing it.

So this was my Thursday and Friday of the week. Pretty intense but I love it. I want to look back on this and be proud that I was able to sacrifice my spare time for my Art form. I may not update on weekend activities unless they seem fit for this blog. It's about my senior year but talking about working all weekend may get tiring.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Day 2, I'm already slacking off

It's the second day of this journal and I already feel like I won't be able to write an entry every day. I envision the loads of work piling up in my room as teacher's hand out their syllabi. It seems this semester has the potential to be really good, as long as I a m constantly alert and can keep up with the readings for class.

Today seemed like my actual first day of school because I started in the morning and it was a series of classes. First, I had "Deconstructing the American Family." This course seems very promising but the downfall is the amount of background information that we as students need to grasp before we can analyze and apply what we are learning. Basically we are challenging the ideology of the "American family." It will be interesting to listen to different perspectives and acquiring the ability to rethink our roles in society. I'm excited for the course but a bit nervous because we have about 7 books to get for the class. They are not small books, by the way. This is a class that I really feel I will have to stay on track with the readings in order to know and understand the class.

After, I had Special Topics- Martin Scorcese. This also seems like a great class. The teacher is really passionate about Martin Scorcese and his works which in in turn gets the students a bit more motivated about the topic. I dont know much about Martin Scorcese but I do like film analysis so this can work. A minor downfall is that we had to get the several movies and watch them since we will only discuss bits and pieces in class. Let us add this stress to my already accumiliating load of work.

Finally, my last academic class was Natural Disasters and the Environment. As lame as this may sound, the class seems like it could be very informative. I already started reiterating infomation thatI learned in class. It's surprisingly fascinating and definitely useful in today's slowly deteriorating world. We are going to focus on 4 case studies that deal with pivitol disasters in our world. I look further to gaining an understanding of the environment and being able to answer the many questions I have about mother nature.

Overall, this semester is looking very good. I just need to not leave things to the last moment.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Day 1, And so it begins

I try to hold on to memories for as long as I can. As a child, I would look at baby pictures and try to remember the moments illustrated in my pictures. Like pictures, writing has also become my connection with the past. I want this journal to be my reference for one of the most important transitions in life; student to adult. I'm going to try and document every academic day of my senior year of college. My goal is to have a years worth of memories that will remain forever imprinted in my brain. Let's hope things don't get too hectic!

Today, Tuesday Sept 2(I starting writing on the first day but now techinically it is the second day. So, I will write in the present, although it is the past) was the first day of my senior year and it was definitely non-traditional. For starters, I only had one class and it started at 7:15pm. This left my day open to pursue other interests in my life. Lucky for my, my main focus in life is a balance between work and dance. But, this is also my current complex in life. Because both fields are so important to me, it is hard for me to decide what path I will pursue after college.

During they day I worked at The Alvin Ailey Boutique. Instead of trying to juggle a serious dance program, school, and work, I decided to work for my classes. This way,I am not forced to choose one lifestyle; I can have both. Last fall I tried to manage all three and although I was successful, it was a very stressful semester. I tend to fill my schedule with so many different events that I'll barely have any free time.

Working the boutique was nice. I really enjoy being in The Alvin Ailey School. In my eyes, the environment is so warm. I love seeing friends and being surrounded by my field of choice, dance. If I spent the entire day at Ailey, not taking class, but just being there...I would have the time of my life. I don't know what's in the atmosphere but I just love being there.

After I worked the boutique I headed over to school for my Digital Sound Design class. I didn't expect us to have a full class, because it's the first day, but we did. I'm actually glad we did because there is SO much to learn. I think this class could be a lot of fun once I let my guard down. I get so nervous when working in a new environment, because I fear of doing something wrong. This class will also help me get used to the sound of my own voice. It's a good challenge for me and that is why I wanted to force myself to do it. I'm so interested in this field of media communication that I can't cut myself short. Last semester I took a Digital Media class that dealt with Phototshop and Web design so I feel the Digital Sound Design will be a good addition to my skills in media production.

It's already become apparent in my entry the range of interests I have. I love dance but I'm also very interested in the entertainment industry and media production. Those are all umbrella terms but I'm hoping, and praying, that I will be able to narrow my focus once I learn more about each.