My Pal, Snickers

For the past 12 years, my cat Snickers has been by my family's side. We got Snickers at a shelter way out in Deer Park after our first cat passed away from cancer of the eye. Now, the first time we went, I chose a cat who I think was pretty and nice named Longfellow. Pretty and nice he was not. He came in our house and hid under our mother's bed and would never come out. If he did, he would race to the food and then go back. He also crapped in my mom's room which still makes me laugh. When we decided he was a no go, we had to block off our living room area was a matress in order to get him. To see my mother clawed and attacked by Longfellow was when I finally realized maybe he wasn't well-adjusted enough for us. I've never lived down that day...it cracks me up. Typical me would pick a cat like that! haha
When we went back, we tried again. We went into this little 'house' at the shelter that had tons of cats everywhere. One cat named Polaski, found on the Polaski Skyway/highway, was following my sister around. Since our first cat, Chloe, was pretty much her baby it was quite fitting that this new fellow would seek her out. He chose us and we decided to change his name to Snickers.
To this day, he has been the best cat. He loved everybody and didn't hide when we had guests over. He definitely wasn't a lap cat, no matter how many times I tried to hold him but he was such a pal, a buddy. Even when I went to school and came back, went on a dance contract and came back, we picked up where we left off.
A few months ago, we noticed he was gaining a lot of weight but also constantly throwing up. Throw up everywhere! We took him to the vet, they didn't know what was wrong. Then later we went in because he had a growth/open sore on his paw AND the vet happened to notice he had a rotten tooth. We decided to let them do the surgery to remove the tooth because maybe that was the source of his problems...and of course they also removed the growth on his paw. He had a little cone on his head after surgery but he seemed to be fine after a few weeks.
Then, out of no where, he was rail thin. Oh, and he's still been throwing up but because the vet had no guesses so it was just not addressed. Now that he's so thin, we take him back and low and behold he suddenly has Lymphoma. Now, I don't want to get all Anti-Vet, but why oh why did it have to take SO long for this to be the conclusion?? I get that because he's not a human, you can't physically ask him what's wrong but I feel like this could have been detected before it was realized that he had lost half his weight. He was once about 14lbs, which is insanely large. A week ago, we found out he was 8lbs!
From the Vet's suggestion, this past Monday Snickers went in for an ultrasound and his tummy was shaved so they could do it. It's now 3 days later and he  has begun to deteriorate at a rapid pace. They even said they gave him a steroid to get him up and eating but I have yet to see him return to his old self and I think I sadly never will. He barely walks anywhere, definitely doesn't eat, and recently today, he just lays with his eyes open. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I've been bawling my eyes all night.

It just sucks to see this happen right before my eyes. He is withering away and I do believe that every-time he's come back from the Vet they've made it worse. I never want to know what goes on behind those walls. My main issue is that with animals you have to play God and make the decision to wait it out or put them down. I hate that we have to sit here and wonder do we want him to try to remain living for as long as he can even though he is in pain? Or do we potentially put him down earlier than he should have been? Ultimately, I don't believe he can make it through the weekend. He just lays there, eyes open. I feel like I'm suddenly staring at an old man wearing away.
He has an appointment today and I'm thinking this is it. I'm glad for the moments I had with Snickers, he was SUCH a great cat. There's no better way to describe him other than spunky...he was my buddy, my pal. I find it so painful that I wonder if I'd ever want to have a pet if I had kids. I didn't react this way when our first cat died bc as a kid, you bounce back. I know my sister was soooo upset. Now, knowing how it feels, I think when you are older, you feel it more. Maybe I'll have pets but when my kids hit a certain age we won't have pets anymore. I just don't want to pass on the pain. Yes it's a cat but I've come to realize how attached one can get. I have compassion for the "crazy ladies with all the cats." I get it now. It's interesting how life's lessons work.

So this is my crazy cat lady post and I'm not ashamed. I'm really going to miss Snickers. He'll be my angel shining on me.

ps, didn't proof-read this so, my apologies for the spelling and grammatical errors.