Being a part of the bigger picture

I recently got in the habit of jotting down ideas, aspirations and personal notes as soon as they cross my mind. I don't want to forget them. Why? Because I want to act on my thoughts and ideas. I want to carry out these visions in my life so I can never say, "gee I never had the opportunity to do x, y, and z." In the past year my journey of self exploration has really allowed me to take a look at my life and begin to navigate my own future. Constantly reminding myself of my goals in life have helped me seek the stepping stones that arise in front of me at a given moment. Instead of just taking routes blindly as many young adults do, my eyes are open and on the prize!

The other day, I tried to pinpoint when this self exploration began but I couldn't. I believe it was solidified in the last year and a combination of being in a cast of dancers and singers and feeding off of their inspiration and drive, as well as several books and articles focusing on the power of the self. Going further into the past, I also believe that this could have been birthed/stemming from back in college. When I made the decision to leave UMD and return to NY for my last 2 years of college, I really took hold of my life. I still sometimes can't believe how mature I was to not only apply and get accepted to another school, but more importantly, to have the realization that I wasn't in the right place. I was only 19 and kept to myself until I got the acceptance email! From there I think the sense of "you're on your own" began to kick in because I wanted to prove that I did in fact make the right decision.

So yes, now I have a degree in Communications, and yes I definitely have a dream of working for an organization or company "behind the scenes" but first, I want to dance. As I navigate through that world, I also keep an eye out for my future down the road. I've come across the idea of working in the health and fitness world, definitely (or rather hopefully) for an organization that promotes these subjects. There's also the world of fashion. But today, I've been inspired to expand that list to include, the Olympics. I'm sitting here watching the opening ceremony and I'm truly moved. What a way to unite the world. Moreover, this opening ceremony is a salute to theater. It boggles my mind how well thought out and planned this is. How, I'm assuming, locals(doctors and nurses for the GOSH section) have united to participate. It's also, as opposed to other years, not a spectacle. I'm a dancer, and I love to watch dance, but wow how much more complicated it is to have to choreograph pedestrian movement. I love seeing turns, jumps, and leaps, but I'm LOVING seeing the acting and simplicity of movement to illustrate an idea. Visions don't always have to be executed with difficult moves.

Ok, I just sidetracked but what I'm saying, in terms of career choice. I want to be a part of a bigger picture. Somewhere that has a positive impact on lives around the world. What a feeling to see the anticipation rising from around the world as we get closer to another Olympics. There's SO much planning involved, I want to be a part of that. Even the commercials from sponsors are impressive! That's another thing, the Olympics is sponsorship-based. It unites the world. What other event includes almost everyone in this universe??
Once again not proof reading this, my goal continuing forward is to be reminded of the bigger picture in life.

My Pal, Snickers

For the past 12 years, my cat Snickers has been by my family's side. We got Snickers at a shelter way out in Deer Park after our first cat passed away from cancer of the eye. Now, the first time we went, I chose a cat who I think was pretty and nice named Longfellow. Pretty and nice he was not. He came in our house and hid under our mother's bed and would never come out. If he did, he would race to the food and then go back. He also crapped in my mom's room which still makes me laugh. When we decided he was a no go, we had to block off our living room area was a matress in order to get him. To see my mother clawed and attacked by Longfellow was when I finally realized maybe he wasn't well-adjusted enough for us. I've never lived down that day...it cracks me up. Typical me would pick a cat like that! haha
When we went back, we tried again. We went into this little 'house' at the shelter that had tons of cats everywhere. One cat named Polaski, found on the Polaski Skyway/highway, was following my sister around. Since our first cat, Chloe, was pretty much her baby it was quite fitting that this new fellow would seek her out. He chose us and we decided to change his name to Snickers.
To this day, he has been the best cat. He loved everybody and didn't hide when we had guests over. He definitely wasn't a lap cat, no matter how many times I tried to hold him but he was such a pal, a buddy. Even when I went to school and came back, went on a dance contract and came back, we picked up where we left off.
A few months ago, we noticed he was gaining a lot of weight but also constantly throwing up. Throw up everywhere! We took him to the vet, they didn't know what was wrong. Then later we went in because he had a growth/open sore on his paw AND the vet happened to notice he had a rotten tooth. We decided to let them do the surgery to remove the tooth because maybe that was the source of his problems...and of course they also removed the growth on his paw. He had a little cone on his head after surgery but he seemed to be fine after a few weeks.
Then, out of no where, he was rail thin. Oh, and he's still been throwing up but because the vet had no guesses so it was just not addressed. Now that he's so thin, we take him back and low and behold he suddenly has Lymphoma. Now, I don't want to get all Anti-Vet, but why oh why did it have to take SO long for this to be the conclusion?? I get that because he's not a human, you can't physically ask him what's wrong but I feel like this could have been detected before it was realized that he had lost half his weight. He was once about 14lbs, which is insanely large. A week ago, we found out he was 8lbs!
From the Vet's suggestion, this past Monday Snickers went in for an ultrasound and his tummy was shaved so they could do it. It's now 3 days later and he  has begun to deteriorate at a rapid pace. They even said they gave him a steroid to get him up and eating but I have yet to see him return to his old self and I think I sadly never will. He barely walks anywhere, definitely doesn't eat, and recently today, he just lays with his eyes open. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I've been bawling my eyes all night.

It just sucks to see this happen right before my eyes. He is withering away and I do believe that every-time he's come back from the Vet they've made it worse. I never want to know what goes on behind those walls. My main issue is that with animals you have to play God and make the decision to wait it out or put them down. I hate that we have to sit here and wonder do we want him to try to remain living for as long as he can even though he is in pain? Or do we potentially put him down earlier than he should have been? Ultimately, I don't believe he can make it through the weekend. He just lays there, eyes open. I feel like I'm suddenly staring at an old man wearing away.
He has an appointment today and I'm thinking this is it. I'm glad for the moments I had with Snickers, he was SUCH a great cat. There's no better way to describe him other than spunky...he was my buddy, my pal. I find it so painful that I wonder if I'd ever want to have a pet if I had kids. I didn't react this way when our first cat died bc as a kid, you bounce back. I know my sister was soooo upset. Now, knowing how it feels, I think when you are older, you feel it more. Maybe I'll have pets but when my kids hit a certain age we won't have pets anymore. I just don't want to pass on the pain. Yes it's a cat but I've come to realize how attached one can get. I have compassion for the "crazy ladies with all the cats." I get it now. It's interesting how life's lessons work.

So this is my crazy cat lady post and I'm not ashamed. I'm really going to miss Snickers. He'll be my angel shining on me.

ps, didn't proof-read this so, my apologies for the spelling and grammatical errors.

Acne Issues, end in sight?

Acne has been a major issue for me since maybe 7th or 8th grade. It used to be prominent only in my T-zone aka forehead, nose, and chin. I would comment on how lucky I was that it hadn't spread to my cheeks...yet. Then, once I got to college, it seemed to switch and suddenly I was breaking out all over. I used every cleanser/wash/toner under the sun and nothing had worked for me. I became an addict for buying skincare products. Anytime I saw a commercial or ad for skincare I was sucked in. I would research them and read all the reviews. I don't know how many times I bought a product and thought, wow this will be the one, and it wasn't. It's very disheartening. All I could do was shrug and attempt to cover up my zits with makeup What's worse was hearing friends talk about the one pimple they had or their one scar. When my face is full of breakouts, how am I supposed to respond to you??? My peak, where my acne was at it's worst, was in the last 2 or 3 years. I think it was the combination of continual breakouts AND scars that literally just left me feeling helpless. It didn't help that I was a dancer which meant constant sweat and, if I was performing, sweat with makeup.
There were some instances where a face wash like Neutrogena's Rapid Clear would seem to work for a little bit, but ultimately I would get to a point where my skin would be immune and I'd have to switch to a new product. I even saw a dermatologist for a little bit but she was really expensive and I wasn't seeing any results. Yes, I tried Proactiv several times, no, it didn't work either. I guess my skin is really stubborn. The hardest phase for me was when I was working as a professional dancer and having to put on all my stage makeup, multiple times in the day. My skin never had a chance to breathe. It didn't help either when I would be wearing a wig or accessory that would sit right on a zit, talk about pain. It's a major weak point for me in terms of self-esteem and confidence. Your face, especially in this industry, is "the first thing most people see." Sad to say but I definitely learned of a new side of  certain "friends" when overhearing comments about my acne. I'd call it a low blow but it's really not worth harping on since, at least for me, I've gained a tougher skin from knowing that my acne is an obvious setback.
So, after going through my usual cleanser/toner/mosturizer phase, I finally learned of a new remedy that's actually working. A friend at work told me of natural, at home products that can produce the same if not better results for acne. I did some research, because clearly I was skeptical, and then ultimately decided that I had nothing to lose my trying it. Here's what I use:
Wash/Exfoliater- Dove sensitive soap bar, water, and a little bit of baking soda. In the links provided, you'll see a description of why these products are used. I first rinse my face and clear it of all make up. I used the Dove soap bar as a base on my face. Then, I sprinkle a little bit of baking soda into my hands and mix it with a little bit of water to form a slight paste. I rub it on my face and it actually feels like an exfoliater. After about a minute, I wash it off with warm water.
Toner- 1/3 water, 1/3 witch hazel, and 1/3 apple cider vinegar. Using a cotton ball, I pour a small amount onto the cottonball and wipe my face down. I made a mixture of this and put it in a bottle so I would have to keep combining the products each time.
Moisturizer/Lotion- I don't have a home remedy for this so I just use either Garnier Fructis  Dark Spot Corrector or step 3 in the Olay ProClear line(Complexion Renewal Lotion).
If I spot a breakout, I've been using La Roche-Posay Effaclar Duo.

All these products can be found at a local drugstore and I can happily say that I am really seeing an improvement on my skin. Even after just a few days, I saw less breakouts and less redness. You must use a moisturizer or lotion after because you skin can become very dry from the wash and toner. I'm so happy a friend told me about this because I really have seen a change. It's been about a month and I'm definitely going to use this as my main approach for skin care. I can't believe the 'secret' is basically everyday, household items. I don't have completely clear skin but it's a major improvement from the past. At least now my only focus is scars. I couldn't be happier so I HAD to share this with as many people as possible.

Here are 2 links that better explain why these household products work so well:
http://acne.savvy-cafe.com/home-remedies-for-clearing-up-acne-2007-03-26/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/132754-natural-ways-fade-acne-scars/

Just found this on the internet. I wrote it back when I was at MMC. Wow, the internet really does keep everything. creepy.

Moving to NYC: A Dancer's story

A light breeze fills the air as on-the-go, stressed coffee lovers pour into Starbucks to escape the hustle and bustle of Manhattan during rush hour. Relaxing jazz music attempts to soothe their racing minds but is unsuccessful as the noise of frappuccinos and juice teas being blended interjects every two minutes. Amidst these oxymoron’s sits Jessica Chen, a California-native turned New York dancer and emerging choreographer. It would appear that Jessica would have a hard time finding peace in her chaotic life like her fellow New Yorkers, but she remains calm and collected as she balances surviving in New York, dancing, booking workshops, and choreographing. This, she credits, is the key to success.

“For dancers, if you don’t think about it and take life as it goes, you can be successful. Whatever comes out of the experience comes out of it.”

Jessica’s perspective on balancing her career was a result of the constant changes she has been exposed to; thanks in part to several mentors and teachers. From a last minute decision to attend the Alvin Ailey Summer Intensive upon her college graduation in 2006, to her most recent choice to restart a piece she had been working on for several months, Jessica has a life long history of learning to go with the flow.

Jessica began her dance career in a Chinese Folk Dance company in California, her native state. She performed with this company for eight years dancing in parades and filming videos on Folk dance.  Jessica states, “Most of my training has been group oriented as well. In both junior high and high school I was on the All-Star cheer and dance team.” Aside from dance, Jessica had other interests and went on to major in global studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara.  Although she did not major in dance, Jessica was still able to enroll in the university’s dance classes. It was during her college years that Jessica’s knowledge of dance greatly expanded.

“I saw a documentary on the Ailey Company and after that, decided to get into modern dance.” Helping her explore modern dance was one of Jessica’s teacher’s, Tonia Shimin who previously danced with both The Martha Graham Company and José Limón Company. When Jessica started choreographing at age 19, Shimin worked as her mentor and challenged Jessica to, “think about where the movement was coming from and why.” Jessica believes Shimin allowed her to find a deeper meaning in the movement she was creating. After continuing with modern dance for the next few years by senior year, with the advice of another mentor Nancy Colahan, Jessica applied to the Alvin Ailey Summer Intensive and was accepted. 

Colahan’s advice for Jessica was, “Put yourself in a place where the dance community is really strong because it gets hard and when it gets hard you want to fall back on your community.”  With this in mind, Jessica relocated to New York without knowing that her two month stay would eventually evolve into 3+ years.  

At The Ailey School, Jessica trained in Horton with Earl Mosley who became the gatekeeper of her future successes as both a dancer and choreographer. “He reached out to me right in the beginning,” she comments. The following summer, July 2007, Jessica attended Earl Mosley Institute of the Arts, Earl Mosley’s summer intensive, and was given the chance to work with choreographers such as Juan Rodriguez and Darcy Naganuma.  Both experiences led her to future successes including performing in Rodriguez’s piece at a gala event for the summer intensive and joining Naganuma’s company in the fall of 2007.

Jessica’s unpredictable successes continued in November of 2007 when, after a performance in Atlantic City, she was told about workshop with Live Co, a street jazz/hip hop dance company. After impressing the choreographer, she joined the company and still remains with them to this day. One of her biggest opportunities with this company came from an unexpected text message.

“You got picked to go to Japan. What’s your passport number?” This was the message Jessica received when her choreographer Torey Nelson told her that she had been picked to tour in Japan with urban artist, Lil Mama. Falling in line with her ever-changing life, Jessica left New York to perform in Japan after only one week of rehearsals.  

According to Jessica, her choreography began to take off after her second experience at Earl Mosley’s Institute of the Arts. One choreographer that helped Jessica mold her choreography was Julian Barnett. “When I worked with him there was this guidance that really helped me. It was his intention and I got to go with it. This got my mind thinking about how my process is.” During EMIA, Jessica created two pieces, one of which she continued to work on and began auditioning for festivals and concerts in New York. 

With influence from past mentors and choreographers, Jessica credits choreography as both an exploration of herself and her dancers. “I understand my body better. I feel more comfortable dancing and can project the movement better.  I am also allowing my dancers to find their own voices.”

Although she has been choreographing steadily, Jessica’s future plans will still include performing.  To balance being a choreographer and dancer, Jessica concludes, “I will choose whether to take a gig for myself and postpone a project or vice versa. At this point I want to do small projects (under the name, The J.Chen Project) rather than have a company. I want to be able to pay my dancers and take care of them which are things that I am still working on. Dancers don’t know their value because some choreographer’s don’t show them. I want my dancer’s to know how much they are worth. I’m not going to bring someone into my process if I can’t help them.”  April 3 2009

When your best is not enough, what do you do? smile

First off, Happy New Year! The older I get, the more exciting a new year feels. It holds so much potential. Expect the unexpected. No one can know for sure what is to come, there are just assumptions, and at this moment I kind of like it that way. It makes me feel like I have power and am in control, which we all do, of my life.
Update on my life:During the holiday season I was working at Gaga's Workshop at Barney's. It was perfect timing since auditions usually calm down around the holiday time. The workshop closed on Jan 2nd and so far there are about 11 auditions I'm planning to attend in January. I'm so excited to jump back into the industry and hopefully get a job!

Now the main point of writing today. What happens if your best, or what you feel is your best, is not enough? You audition and you walk away feeling that you truly booked that job but you don't get a call. It's natural to want to feel bummed but I realized it's not worth taking my pride away. If anything, it boost my confidence because I walked out of the room feeling so proud of myself for really going 110% in that moment. Now, having not gotten a call, but knowing I've done really well, I can only say that I was not what they were looking for. This is different from going to an audition where you really, really, really want the gig and are upset because you don't get the call AND you secretly know that you were not at your best or that someone else really stepped it up and deserved it. Makes sense? To me it does. It's so easy to fall into the typical negativity of all the No's you get at auditions. It can really take a toll on your self esteem but as long as you focus on little achievements in the moment, you'll be able to pick yourself up and head to the next audition. One reservation I did have was when I noticed the same audition company was having another audition for a different show coming up. Part of me questioned if it would be weird for me to go but I quickly dispelled that thought because maybe the show I was auditioning for was not for me, but this NEW show may. I completely understand now how other performers feel when they've been to the same audition 5+ times, you feel a little awkward but you NEVER know what may happen. I'm just going to treat the moment as a fresh new opportunity to book a job!

Since January is a big audition month, what I plan to continue doing as part of my audition tracking is to take note of each audition I go to and write how it went. Some questions I write about include: did I make a cut, how did I feel about the combination, and what can I do to improve? This is a great tool for reflecting on my progress and it comes in handy when the same audition comes up again!

Happy New Year!
check out my website:
www.kimberleedmurray.com

The best partnership known to man

What could be the best partnership known to man, er, me?? AMC Theater's "Smart Movie Snacks."  I have never been more impressed by a theater's push towards being healthy. Yes, you always see the magazine articles about what to eat at the theater or which snack has the least amount of fat so you can get 2, but now you don't have to worry! The best part, if it isn't already spelled out for you, is that this snack PACK(tons of stuff inside) is only $7. That is a STEAL with the amount of snacks you get verses an average size of popcorn and soda.
The Snack Pack includes: Chiquita Fruit Chips, POPCorner's Popped Corn Chips(minor obsession with the kettle flavor), Odwalla Trail Mix Bar, AND 20oz Dasani water. Are you frigin kidding me? You can get all this for less than 500calories. Even better! Why? So you don't have to sit through the entire movie secretly scolding yourself for having eaten those chicken fingers and cinnamon rolls.
Now the one problem is the lack of promotion of this amazing product at some theaters. I was recently at the 34th Street Loew's Theater and don't even recall seeing this on the menu but I knew it was offered, so I asked.  Luckily they had it but they gave me the impression that they weren't even sure. The only time I remember this being on hand and advertised was at the AMC near, I believe, 18th Street. What's the deal?? This is a great product, acceptable price, yet it's almost hidden. I know there are people that go to the movies and KNOW they don't want to eat the greasy, fattening theater food but do anyway because they feel they don't have a choice. I think there should be another promotional phase for this product because it seems forgotten. I guess it's my duty to promote it as much as I can because I care about what I eat! If AMC doesn't want to spend the money to advertise, they could at least offer this on the menu.
I do still however want to give a BRAVO to AMC for at least making an attempt to hit a new target audience. A second BRAVO goes to Odwalla, Dasani, Ciquita, and PopCorners for partnering together to create this little movie lunchbox.

Other recent tastes from heaven that I've recently come across:
Planters Nutrition Omega 3 snacks  Perfect for on the go! Walnuts, dark chocolate, and dried cranberrys, yummy :)
Vita CoCo Peach and Mango I thought I HATED coconut water. I never understood how people were guzzling it down after yoga but, put a little flavor in it and it becomes more than bearable. I honestly can't have it any other way. It's just a hint of flavor but also keeps the original "light taste" of coconut water.

Is that a no?

Since I've been back in NY, I've been auditioning regularly but have also been applying to, what feels like, a million jobs; thank you craigslist. As I look at the amount of emails my "Sent" box, I wonder how many of my resumes were actually received, read, considered, and rejected. Sounds like a lot but when you don't get a response, you begin to wonder.

With auditions, even if you don't hear from casting, you hear through the grapevine that so-and-so got the gig. If that's not the case, it's still more tangible to believe that someone was a better fit than you, whether you agree or not. With submission via email, if you don't receive a phone call or return email, it's as if you clicked the send button and your resume disappeared into thin air. I am really curious what happens on the other end. Does my email get received, read, but rejected? Does someone actually read my resume and decide that I'm not a good fit or that the previous sender would be better?

I would love to hear from several employers as to what actually happens "on the other side." I always read in the newspaper that there are no jobs and the unemployment rate is rising.  Then, on the next page, there will be an article saying "x" amount of jobs have been approved. Since all that does is confuse me, I'm more interested with what's happened when an employer receives resumes and cover letters. It's not about the college diploma, that's almost always a given even when some of the jobs I see and submit for don't list high school diploma as good enough . If not that, could it be experience? Here's an example:

I submitted for at least 12 coat check jobs at various clubs/restaurants about 2 weeks ago and heard back from none. I have coat check experience, in a museum, but still, coats are coats. From auditioning, I can only assume that the other submissions were from people with 5+ years coat check experience or just experience from somewhere more appealing than a museum. Since I've gotten no response I'm left playing a guessing game as to why I haven't heard back or just forgetting that I ever submitted. The other possible idea is that employers pick the first "x" amount that fit the description, delete the rest, and don't look to see what they may have missed. Considering that the majority of jobs I apply to are from craigslist, I could see this as a possible reason for not hearing back. Either way, this topic is one that plagues me every time I get ready to submit my resume for an entry-level type job. Let's not even get into the amount of frustration felt by those who were previously at the top of the chain, lost their job, and are now over qualified.

What about the others?

Yesterday, I spent majority of my day relaxing and watching a marathon of, "I Used To Be Fat." It's a documentary type show by MTV that  follows obese/overweight teens as they work with a trainer to lose weight before heading to college and/or the real world. The show is great. I couldn't stop watching and was so amazed by the transformation of the teens in under 100 days. They endured grueling workouts to help their self esteem and pretty much save their lives. The teens averaged about 250lbs each and it was interesting to see how each story varied in terms of how much weight they lost and how fast the lost it. Some lost weight instantly, while others, it took more than a week to see the scale change significantly. While, I personally can't relate to these teens, I was still captured by their struggle yet willingness to change their lives for the better. It made me wonder though, what about the people who go through the same issues but not on the extreme level?

Where are the reality shows that could probably reach the mainstream industry? What about the people who want to lose between 5lbs  and 20 lbs? Don't the health guru's always say that the last 5lbs are the hardest? Call me crazy but I'd actually like to propose a push for reality shows that really reach to people without going to the extreme. Yes, many people in our country are obese; yes these shows are a nice way to make people "wake up, " but what about something less urgent but still interesting. How about a story dealing with a guy that used to be an athlete and in great shape but an injury/illness/family emergency caused fitness to take a back seat. Now he's got "x" amount of days to get back in shape before "y" event. Or a female trying to lose baby weight. Even someone who has a to lose 5 lbs in 2-3weeks for a friends wedding. Whatever the story, I'm sure many people are going through this and could relate to this more than the extreme worlds of "Biggest Loser," "I Used To Be Fat," and so on. I would even love a story about someone who wants to get in shape but just can't motivate themselves. I think about how hard it used to be for me to get up and go to the gym and about the many people who join the gym but don't actually keep up with it. To me, the things would be cool to see and relate to. The more relative it is, the more I, the viewer, will be influenced and take action to better my life.

In the next few posts, I think I'm going to be blogging a series of pitches/thoughts of things I've always been curious about. This all stems from attending a free writing class through Gotham's Writers Workshop. It inspired me to re-visit my former love; writing.

I am 24 and proud!

Happy Birthday to me! I am 24 years old today and I'm happy about that. I told myself a few weeks ago that I needed to snap out of that whole, "oh jeez I'm getting older" thing. If I want my life to remain positive, I need to start accepting myself and not living in the past.

I truly feel at 24,not 21, that I am becoming an adult. This past year really served as my transition phase. Maybe it was because I had my first professional dance gig which meant I had to act accordingly. Maybe it was who I was surrounded with and how they taught me life lessons in between all the dancing, singing, and acting. Or maybe, I just grew up. Either way, when I arrived back in New York, I felt the change. I approach things differently in life; I am strategic with my decisions. And, to be honest, it feels good. It doesn't feel rushed. I'm not feeling alone or confused. It's as if things just fell into place.

I am a professional dancer who is consistently auditioning while exploring and beginning to understand how the entertainment industry functions. I am searching for a part-time job while I audition but when I have free days, I'll submit for background work. When I'm not doing that, you can find me at Gold's Gym, Broadway Dance Center(though my card is expiring soon) Yoga Sutra, or Chelsea Piers(gymnastics). And with the leftover spare time, I can be found hanging out with good friends or simply sitting and reading. I like where I am at this moment. I don't know if I ever realized this the other years; I think I was so busy running around like crazy. But now, at 24, it's all about reflecting and making sure to enjoy the moment.

Spinning to the Music

In my last post I was discussing gym hopping but I'm happy to announce that after a long search, I chose a gym...then left it and joined another when I learned of a great groupon offer. Hey, what can I say, I'm indecisive. Currently, I am with Gold's Gym for 3 months. It's funny how I've come full circle considering my first trial was with Gold's Gym. I must say, I really like this gym and it lucks out that it was on groupon at the right time.
It's been about 1 month since I offically joined and only recently did I begin to explore the world of spinning. Now, in the past I thought I would never try spinning; I thought it was going to be super hard and only pleasurable for the hard core gym freaks fanatics. I was either wrong, or I myself have turned into one of these fanatics.
I was really nervous for my first class and was convinced my legs were going to peddle away from me. The minute I stepped into the studio the instructor, Cliff, waved me down to make sure I signed up. He immediately reminded me of Stanley Tucci. He was full of energy and incredibly witty. He introduced me to the spinning bike and showed me the emergency break should I feel like my eyes were going to pop out during the class. Upon hearing this, I laughed awkwardly and hesitated before getting on the bike.
Once the class officially started, I fell in love. Not because I have some undying love for working out or sweating, but because of the music! Every upbeat, Billboard top 100 song you can thing of was immediately blaring through the speakers and guiding what speed we took with the bike. I suddenly got this cheesy grin on my face and starting mouthing the words to songs as I rode. In contrast to the music was Cliff's screams of encouragement. Actually no, it wasn't in contrast, it was in addition too because he really does make the class. He has so much energy and just screams for 45 minutes that you don't have to wonder whether he's passionate about his work or not.
After that 1 class, I found myself itching to go back. The more I go, the more I want to keep going and I realized in class today that it's not for the pure joy of working out...it's for the music. Does this make me a poser? I'm getting a workout because I like the music?? Well who cares because for 45 minutes I am rocking out and getting my sweat on! I think the other reason the class is do-able is because of the constant switch from fast peddling/no resistance and slow peddling/lots of resistance. It helps to keep you moving but also gives you time to breathe without stopping. Which, by the way, is another thing. You don't stop peddling, ever. That may sound impossible, but it's not and that's because of the fluctuation in resistance.
I think I'm going to up my spinning classes to 2-3 times a week. I'm hoping it won't backfire on me and I'll become bored. I doubt it since the music is so good that I just can't get enough! Here's a list of some of the songs we use,
Party Rock Anthem- LMFAO
Cheers- Rihanna
Moves Like Jagger- Maroon 5 ft. Christina Augilera
Without You- David Guetta/Usher
You Make Me Feel..- Cobra Star Ship ft. Sabi
Give Me Everything- Pitbull ft. Neyo
With music like this, there is no way I can pass up a spinning class. I'll admit I'm hesitant to try another teacher's class just in case it's not as fun!

The only problem I seem to have is the seat. Majority of the time, during my first class I kept fidgeting in an attempt to find a comfortable position. What's that about? It's gotten better but jeez, that's the 1 thing I find as a major annoyance. The best part overall is the end because there is such a feeling of accomplishment. It's almost surprising when the class ends because I feel like I've just reached that level where I could go on for longer. Better to end on a high rather than a low, though.

Summer Focus- NYC Gyms

The one thing I love about NY is the freedom to have no shame. New Yorkers have the ability to do whatever they want with the only excuse being, "only in NY." At this current moment, having just arrived back in the city and wanting to be a penny pincher, I'm going to freeload as much fitness as I can. The best part is that this is actually possible. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present... Free Gym Trials.

Now, when I first researched gym trials I thought it would be impossible to find more than 1 gym that was willing to let me workout without having to pay a fee. Luckily, the goal is to get the customer in the establishment and have them make their own decision. You would think it's easy to simply try as many gyms as possible without joining any of them, but it's not. So far, most of the gyms I went to, I ended up being overflowed with those happy endorphin's exercising allows your body to release, and thus wanted to "sign at the dotted line" almost immediately. Oh how the mind works.

Here are the gyms I've been to so far.

Gold's Gym- I've passed this gym several times and thought it was going to be filled with the Jersey Shore, beefy, super tanned guys but it wasn't. I easily signed up for a 7 day pass online and went in the following day to check it out. I laughed when they told me the lockers were on the 3rd floor and I almost asked for an elevator. I had the "ah hah!" moment of realizing that I was in a gym and would be walking everywhere. The gym turned out to be great. It's 3 different levels of equipment. Many of the machines have a tv which is sadly my biggest focus. I cannot workout without being entertained or having something to focus on. I went to the gym midday so it was a little crowded around lunch time but would clear or relatively fast. It left me with the liberty to explore and try whichever machine I wanted. Another big plus was that I was able to workout without feeling the eyes of creepy guys lurking from around the corner. Everyone's doing their own thing and focusing on themselves. The best surprise of all was that they had FREE WIFI! I find this to be a major asset if I want to check my email, fb or watch videos while working out. The locker room was fine, spacious and the staff was pretty nice. I liked that I was able to come in, do my own thing, and leave. No one pressured me to join or kept tabs on me while I was working out. Their offers to me, now that I've completed the trial, are: $9.95 for the 1st month, free personal training, and 2 free 7 day passes for a friend. Pretty good.

Bally's- I signed up for a Bally pass online but went in to check the ambiance first. I'm glad I did this, by the way. Maybe it was because they are located right by Penn Station on not so bright street but I was turned off even before walking in. The staff was nice but I just couldn't get past the environment. Skeevy guys everywhere constantly staring at me. Actually the majority of the people working out were guys...nary a female in sight. I get why. They have a pool, which was a plus but I wouldn't want to swim there..it looked dirty. The gym itself is very dark and old looking. Nothing seemed state-of-the art from it's appearance. I got an overall sense of dirtiness so I high-tailed it out of there. Sorry, Bally's is a definite NO GO!

Crunch- Yesterday I tried Crunch gym after signing up online for a trial the night before. I was kind of sad that it was only a 1 day guest pass but it was free so o well. It first I was constantly comparing it to Gold's Gym but I decided to just try and think of it's own pro's and con's without pre-judgement. They have many machines, about 2 floors worth and several of them have TVs connected to them. I liked their upper body workout machines. The showers and locker room area were really spacious. No free wifi which is sad but not surprising, that's definitely a special perk in some places. I did get a few stares from other guys working out but it wasn't as bad as Bally's. I went around 2pm so it was pretty quiet which was nice. I would definitely consider membership here because of all the classes they offer and the different. locations.

Today, I will try a 7 day pass for Complete Body and Spa.I signed up online and immediately got a pass offer. There are a few more places, maybe 4, that have week pass offers or 3-day passes so I'll be excited to test them out. In the end this is my free way of getting back in shape! It's a win-win situation :)

Fast Forward. NEXT transition.

I'm back. The contract is done and I've been back in NY since June 30th. I had the time of my life, up's and down's included. But, in the end I am nothing but grateful of the opportunity to dance in a 1500 seat theater, make some of the strongest bonds with the most talented people I know, see the world via Toronto, Netherlands, Germany, Tenerife, and Bahamas, and to simply get a look at a different lifestyle.

I was worried about many things when I came back. Would I be the same dancer? Would I still be pretty tame when it came to wanting to dive into something new? Would I be stronger? All these questions puzzled my brain from the moment I signed the contract to start. I am so happy to say that physically my body has gone to the next level, whether my brain will allow it or not. I feel stronger as a dancer. I feel like I have the power to go to that 'performance mode' and stay away from just cruisin' in class mode. I've actually been surprising myself  in classes and auditions I've been on since I've been back. I'm glad my body just kicked into high gear because in the past it was always my mind that was holding me back. Can I do this? Am I good enough? Now...now, I just go. I have nothing to lose because I just got back. Thankfully, I spent a few days in Disney with the cast and got a mini-vacation but now I'm slowly transitioning to life back on land and functioning in the city. Everything feels refreshed and even more exciting than before. I think everyone needs to leave the city if you are there for too long. Just like anywhere else, you become desensitized after awhile because you've been in the same routine. Having been away for a year, I came back wanting to see and do everything. NYC is beautiful, I walk around with the biggest grin on my face. I'm dying to dive in.

I most recently had a revelation when I was visiting a friend at The Ailey School. She works at the desk and while I was there I got to see all the bright-eyed and bushy tailed kids come in with loads of questions about the school and how the want to dance and live in the city. One family came in and the girl was inquiring about the Fordham BFA program in addition to wondering if she could go to school for something else (pre-med) and dance. I couldn't help but put my two cents in because of my college experience. I balanced college, the ailey school, work/study and 2 studios, and a part-time job. I almost leaped across the room to talk with her. I gave her my advice and my friend gave her her own perspective since we didn't have the same paths and we had different opinions. While we were all talking, I realized I could see myself doing what I was doing, but as a job. I love to plan or coordinate how something will work out. I really liked helping the girl figure out how she would be able to balance both.  I don't know how but I want to eventually do advising for dancers or students who are about to make a transition. Whether that means working at an arts school or a college or even just talking to kids about the possibilities in life, I want to do that.
 It felt so rewarding giving her advice and I could tell her parents felt reassured. I feel like a lot of times, or even for me, there's so much information that is missed, questions that people don't know the answer to and don't know where to get the answer. I want to help get kids thinking or even inspire them to think outside the box. It felt so good to help them see the opportunity out in the world. Answers are not always in books or online, it's first hand experience that will really help you comprehend an experience. Since this happened, I was inspired to keep this as an option for a future job or even as a side-opportunity while I audition.

So, as I transition, I'm not returning back to my old lifestyle but my life-revamped. I am now a professional dancer back in NY and ready to take on the city in search for new opportunities and experiences.

The real beginning

In 2 days the Disney Dream will officially be on it's way to Port Canaveral! For the past few weeks we have been docked here in Bremerhaven, Germany, with little to no movement that I was aware of. To make our way to Florida, we will be crossing the Atlantic Ocean which has been known for being very rough. Aside from the fact that I've never been on a ship, I'm also not prepared for constant movement. They of course have sea-sickness pills but I'm hoping for a smooth transition.
The dance world onboard the ship has been quite hectic but at the moment I am experiencing 2 full day's off. Well, aside from a morning meeting. It feels great to be given the time to relax because we can't relax with so much to think about and do.
A few days ago we had our first performance of Sailing Away which is a deck party but currently we are perofrming it in the atrium. It was a lot of fun to be on stage and performing for our crew. It definitely gave a different vibe to perform shows rather than teching it all day lon0g.
Other than that, the ship is ready, I'm ready(at least I think im ready:...let's go!

I'm here!

I'm here now! I boarded the ship on November 30th! What a crazy couple of days. I don't even know where to begin, just know that there was lots of waiting around and staying in random hotels. But, in the end, I'm here and this ship is beautiful. It's SO big, I get lost frequently but I love it. The best part is that we are currently docked at a terminal and will be until December 19th. The terminal has free wifi and it's fast so when I have breaks, I come over here to catch up with the world. There is free internet being offered on the ship at night but it's super slow. It won't be free once we leave though...double whammy.

We start physical rehearsals tomorrow but so far it's just been classes and fittings. The fittings have been so exciting. I'm wearing so many wigs and costumes and they are all amazing. I can't believe how much work goes into this process. It really feels broadway caliber. Also, everyone works so hard, it's amazing. There is so much effort into putting together this ship that you can't help but smile at the outcome. There's still lots of work to do but my cabin is done and that's all that I was truly worried about. It's a decent size, not like how I thought it would be. I love it. Having my personal space is my biggest peeve and this, aside from a shared bathroom with someone that has a connected room, is a great accommodation.

We will eventually start dancing and I can't wait. I've been eating so much lately because the food is so good. Since our area for eating isn't done yet, we've been eating food that would be served in guest areas. At least my costumes all still fit! The gym opens tomorrow and I can't wait! I'll be in there at every moment possible.

Other than that, nothing else is really going on. There's so much to see and look at so I'll use my free time wisely :)

Journey to Amsterdam

Saturday Nov. 27

My last day in Toronto was quite eventful. We started by having breakfast at Cora's, this amazing breakfast restaurant that was only 1 block from our residence.  I've only gotten the chance to eat her once before. I wish that wasn't the case because the food is so good and very affordable. As we were eating, it started to snow really hard. which made us excited but then nervous that our flight would get delayed. Of course a few hours later the snow had stopped and the sun was shining. Toronto weather is weird.

We all gathered in the lobby of our buliding to check out. It looked like a war zone; there was luggage everywhere except for 1 tiny aisle we created or people to pass through. Eventually our Coach Canada bus pulled up and we made our way to the airport. Thankfully we got there super early because we have a little trouble checking out bags. There was massive conufsion over whether we had 1 or 2 bags or free. We ended up getting 2 bags because their website mis-informed us. What a fiasco it was trying to tell 44 people they had to pay for 1 of their bags. Glad it al worked out.

After hanging around for a bit, we finally boarded the plane. Wow, I've never been on such a big plane. It's a double decker! On top of that, it's incredbily nice and has great amenities. There are so many movies to choose from, video games, tv shows, and language software. How crazy, plus we have meals and alcohol..haha. It's been 3, almost 4 hours on the plane and I proud of how calm I still am. I was restless for a bit but now I'm writing this and listening to their Christmas music station so I'm all good. This is such a crazy experience for me because I've never done anything remotely close to what I'm doing now. It's quite fun :) Once we land we are riding 2 hours to a hotel, spending time there and continuing our journey. This is definitely a long journey, but I am documenting it and taking lots of pictures.

Right now there's a little turbulence which worries me but it kind of feels like I'm on a train ride so it isn't too bad. I hope this is the extent of it and it will get better.

Until next time!

A Definite Transition

Where to begin? I have thought about this blog for so long and yet never gave myself a chance to actually update  it. I'm awful. There is SO much to mention but unfortunately I'm going to move forward and talk about what is to come. In exactly 1 week, I am leaving for Germany with the Dream 1 cast(love us, by the way) to board our ship. This will be my new home for the next 7 months. I can't believe the time is here.
In just 2 1/2 short months I managed to learn 4 dance bites, 2 deck parties, 2 mini dance bites, and 2 mainstage shows. I used to be surprised by how much my brain could contain but now it seems to be second nature. As of now, I am able to separate the choreography for each show and not get mixed up between all of them. I've learned so much information, I'm surprised my head hasn't exploded.
In just 2 1/2 short months I've become so close to my cast...of 44 people. It's crazy how we mesh together in such a large group. I'm even more excited because we will all be on the same flight, as of now, for Germany. The awful part is that it's an 8 hour flight and then we have to take a 7 hour bus ride to the ship. This is the farthest I've ever traveled in my life. I'm nervous, but excited because I will be with my team; my second family.
In just 2 1/2 short months, I've become accustomed and comfortable with Toronto. I know where to take my dance classes and my yoga classes. The thought of not having either within reach is starting to freak me out. I loved have the freedom to go anywhere at any free moment we had. It'll be a major transformation.

I'm definitely excited to board the ship, I just have no idea what eecept. Plus all the media coverage we have been getting makes the ship look SO amazing. I feel so blessed to have such an oppotunity.Though I miss my fmaily and friends back home, this is a fine medium.
MORE TO COME!

Getting into the swing of things

Tomorrow begins the beginning of Week 3. It's also the beginning of our learning of our first show. Everything prior to tomorrow has been a dance bit or deck party. This past Saturday we went through everything we learned. I was minorly dreading it but it was actually awesome because we learned SO much, SO fast. I really can't believe how much choreography and blocking my brain can retain :)

I finally had my costume fitting and it was the best day of my life. I tried on so many different shoes and different outfits. The best part was when one of the wardrobe people came up to me and was like, "ok, here is YOUR rack,'" meaning my own rack of costumes to be fitted to my size and just for me. It's still so weird to think about. The costumes are amazing. I don't even know where to begin. I already have a favorite and it involves a huge petticoat! My favorite. Everything becomes real when you get to costumes. Even though we have a while before we actually wear them, the fact that they are in the process of being made is enough to excite me.

This brings me to another point. I still can't get over how much planning and organization occurs in advance. It doesn't just fall into place by the grace of magic. Everyone has been working SO hard to get us to where we are today. The cast is the transformation from page to stage. They keep telling us this and I truthfully understand it now. But what is so amazing is seeing what we do and knowing that just 3 weeks ago it was all just hypothetical. It didn't become real until we arrived. Now the pressure is on to live out the dream...no pun intended!

I'm very excited to learn a show for the next month. It's new too so this is another layer of awesomeness that I get to experience. I am sad, however, because our choreographer for the past 2 weeks has left. He said he won't be able to see us while on the ship either which really stinks. This guy, Robbie, is amazing; he pulls choreography out of no where AND is so versatile with his movement. We literally jump from style to style in a matter of minutes between numbers. I secretly hope he comes to visit on the ship, ANYWAY! He has taught use so much in so little time, I'm gonna miss seeing him around. We'll be getting a whole new production tteamm tomorrow too, which is kind of sad! I guess this is just how they operate effectively.

Here's to a new week!

Day 3 madness.

3 days in and we never stop. Today was definitely intense. It's lots of choreography to learn and it's only just the beginning! Where to begin? I'm getting into the swing of things very easily, no more freak outs or last minute panics lol. It's just crazy not knowing where you are going or what you will be doing at all times and if anyone knows me, I'm someone that LOVES to plan.
If I didn't already say it, we have 9 hour rehearsal days. It's really cool in a way b/c I've always wondered how these things ran and now I do! We get an hour lunch break which is nice and I do feel like the time goes well. Not too fast and never slow. Everyone is so nice and so chill. I feel like I'm at a boarding school and I've been here forever, but it's only been 3 days. I bet it's gonna end up flying by and I don't want it to! Gotta savor the moment :)
I'm realizing now how amazingly blessed I am to be part of the first cast for this new ship. We are all originators. I found out from returning cast members that even the shows that have been done before are being revamped so we are basically doing all new things! Sidenote- I love how Celina Dion is playing on their radio. It's like elevator music in this room. Someone just came out of the gym...I feel guilty sitting in this common area, right outside the gym. I can't go yet, my body is like so worked by the time rehearsals are done. (Backstreet Boys has now started playing) I think by next week, when my body has become used to all this I will hit up the gym. For now, it's stretching on my own and getting my butt kicked in rehearsal. I haven't forgot my goals! Ps, I love group warmup! We did an arm workout with therabands the other day that KILLED...but it was good.

Today, the 2nd half of the cast arrived. The singers and principals. We have a total of about 46 people..I think before I said 44 and clearly I was wrong. Largest cast ever! Loving every minute of it :)

Walking into the Unknown

It's official...I'm slow. Why doesn't my brain process the magnitude of things/situations until it's too late sometimes? It wasn't until I was hugging my mother, and suddenly crying, that I realized what was happening. You know that REALLY sad commercial where the kid is suddenly without his mom and he's just crying and looking around? Well, it's not that dramatic but that's sort of how I felt. I had a fear of the unknown. I couldn't predict what was going to happen or guess. I really have NO idea. I can talk to thousands of people that have done the ship before but it doesn't matter. This is my experience and I guess I just didn't realize until that moment.
Luckily, I met one of my castmates while waiting for my twice delayed, yet early arrival JET plane. NO, I didn't know it would be a jet plane..the kind you board from the outside. I was definitely nervous but thanks to Bonine and confidence, I made it haha. Actually we were only in the air for 56minutes, fun fact. Who knew Canada was so close?
Fast forward to the place I'm staying. It's beyond great, pictures to come. Downfall is using an internet cable in the living room instead of being nice and snuggly in my bed. Plus their is only 1 cable so me and my roommate will share. It's actually not a big deal haha, I'm just being silly. Anyways, what did I do when I got here? I tried to take a picture near customs b/c it said Welcome to Canada and the woman in uniform gave me the evil eye  plus a snooty attitude. I graciously deleted it in front of her and she acted as if she wanted to throw me back to the US. Guys, don't mess with those people haha. It reminded me of my times at the museum and telling people to stop taking pictures..only mine was far more worse considering she had the right to deny my entry...smart lol
After eating and grocery shopping in the nearby Toronto area, I am not 'home' and going to stretch out a bit, sleep, and wake up bright and early for tomorrow! I'm excited for what's to come. It really is SO weird to stop and think, and realize that I am here/going to be here, dancing for a living. I can't wait.

Where am I going?

When people hug me, they are holding on for a little be longer than usual. This is how I know things are changing. I now that on the physical level, yes, I am leaving for 10months and yes, I'm feeling A,B, and C emotions but on the emotional level, I'm feeling indifferent. I was explaining it to a friend that, it's only with people that I've previously been away from for an extended amount of time(going away to college) that I feel that feeling of sadness that I won't see them everyday. This is because I've already experienced it. With all the friends that I've met and crossed paths with I feel like when I'm saying good-bye, it doesn't feel real. Will it really be the last time that I see them? OR, will I see them in 10months? Will everything be different? Will it be just the same? The only reason I'm buggin out and actually writing about this is because I go no where...ever..until now. I went away to school and came back but this is different. The boundaries are international! I'm definitely ready to go and very excited but it also doesn't feel real because I've not experience this before. I don't know HOW to feel, I can only guess.

It's official. I leave in 2 days. Got the luggage, got the flight info, it's all set. I'm pretty sure I'm ready. This is what I wanted. I had been talking about how I always wanted to travel and I how I want to dance for a living. Thankfully, I have been blessed with experiencing both in one package. My reservations so far include questioning if I'll remember all the choreography, if I'll get along with everyone, if I'll be able to handle dancing whilst in motion, etc. I know I have plenty of time to figure this out but as a self-acclaimed over-analyzer, I can't help but think about these things all at once. 

I plan on blogging here while on my adventures but I still do have a journal from when I was at school in Maryland. I think I'm going to carry it. I never wrote about my adventures in NYC but I kind of just want to pick up where I left off. Who knows, I might end up being so busy that neither ends up being used but I'm going to try.

For now, lately I have assumed the role of tourist and have been exploring NYC high and low. It's been bittersweet because I've discovered all these great places of tranquility AND excitement, yet I won't be seeing them again for 10months. It's nice to step out of the typical and come across a secluded area. This is how I know that NYC is so unique. It can't get old, unless you stay in the same area. If you do, go explore. There is soooo much out there in the city and it's so easy to miss it. I've realized NYC doesn't revolve around times square. There is SO much more to do  And the best part of it all is that I've been able to spend little to NO money all week long. That was a bonus considering I made a plea with some friends to do things that would involve paying. I'm glad that worked out, otherwise I really would have spent the weekend at home...staring at the walls.  

So in my last 2 days I have planned to meet friends at the Highline, my new favorite place, the teahouse, and for Friday I plan to get my head together so that I am mentally and physically prepared for Saturday.